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Showing posts from May, 2016

Where I do not exist, nor you

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I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I do not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. 
-Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XVII

Princess Deer pastel on paper

Tame Me

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“I remembered the fox. One runs the risk of crying a bit if one allows oneself to be tamed.” 
― Antoine de Saint-ExupéryThe Little Prince


"Tame Me"
soft pastel on paper

True love waits

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I'm not living, I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands, your crazy-kitten smile

Just don't leave
Don't leave

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps





PS. This version later became the version in the new album (which was released four days ago), with slight differences.

you're making me sick, love

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I can't erase it from my mind
I just replay it, love,
Think of it all of the time.

But I don't want to imagine
Words you spoke to her that night.
Naked bodies look like porcelain,
You both knew I'd be bleeding inside.

--Daughter, Love--


"you're making me sick, love" pencil, marker, pastel on paper

ooo

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You planted your eyes on my feet
You told me to dig my heels deep
The night wore the rain
On her windowpane
Drifted us to sleep

Tubuh saya tidak salah

Kekerasan seksual pertama yang saya hadapi adalah 18 tahun yang lalu, saat berusia 11 tahun, dan sedang mengenakan seragam putih-merah. Pagi hari saat berangkat sekolah, seorang laki-laki berlari mendekat, dan meremas payudara saya. Kejadian ini berulang, dan saat melapor kepada Ibu Guru, dia mengatakan: sudah, tidak usah terlalu dipikirkan.
Saya diajarkan untuk diam.
Kekerasan seksual kedua, sekitar 2 tahun kemudian. Saya baru pulang sekolah, mengenakan seragam putih-biru yang kebesaran, dan berkerudung. Seorang kernet bis kota meraba payudara saya saat saya hendak menyeberang jalan. Saya marah, tapi teman berkata: jangan bereaksi berlebihan.
Saya diminta untuk menerima.
Pada masa sekolah menengah atas dan perkuliahan, payudara sering dijadikan candaan. Kata mereka payudara saya terlalu menonjol, dan seronok. Kata mereka saya harus memakai baju yang tidak menonjolkan payudara. Kata mereka saya terlalu mengumbar dan mengundang.

Saya diajarkan bahwa kesalahan ada pada payudara.
Bertah…